09.29.06
Your Weekend Primer…
…from a man who will spend his Saturday drinking beer, then drinking beer. Sure, I may miss some Ohio State/Iowa, Michigan/Minnesota and Georgia/Ole Miss, but will I really miss it? Remains to be seen. Alcohol induced hallucinations aside, here is what you will have learned by the time you lay head to pillow (or to LoDo stop sign, stripper-thigh, Alabama, or T.O.’s Magical Mystery Allergic Reaction Tour Suite in the Dallas pokey, whichever is your wont) on Saturday night.
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09.28.06
A’s clinch, get loaded.
It was a long time coming, but they finally did it.
The Oakland A’s are in the playoffs.
Disposing of the Seattle Mariners on Tuesday following what had to be a heated lockerroom “chat” after blowing Monday’s game and sending A’s fans in a tizzy, the A’s did what any clubhouse full of mid-20 year olds would do. Motherfuckers got their drink on.
Yesterday, just about everyone in the starting lineup got a day off except for the “vets.” Dan Johnson, Nick Swisher, Marco Scutaro, and Huston Street all played the game while the rest of the crew nursed their pounding heads on the bench.
Hiram Bocachica walked into the clubhouse still drunk, saw that he was leading off and playing centerfield, and said, “I’m still drunk from last night. I’m going to save that lineup card.” He played anyway, and went 2-for-5 with a walk in his 2006 debut.
Manager Ken Macha clearly didn’t feel the need to lead his young September call-ups onto the field.
Bench coach Bob Geren said, “[Macha] told me last night, ‘You’re on tomorrow. I really didn’t think anything of it until today because I wasn’t sure he was serious. But at the beginning of the game, he said, ‘You’re on.”‘
Macha’s reason for sitting out? To give his brain a rest. Just like the way I rested my brain a few weeks ago after drinking until 6am on a Thursday. The A’s won anyway, in what had to be an agonizing 10 innings for the hungover champs.
As a diehard fan of the A’s, I say do it…celebrate all you want until the playoffs start. I started doing shots right after the Mariners’ 27th out that night. Their young, they’ve played 158 games this season, and they’re guaranteed some post-season play.
But it wasn’t just the kids in the clubhouse who got soused. MVP candidate and pushing-40 designated hitter Frank Thomas was clearly feeling it in the dugout. “Designated hitter Frank Thomas had his head in his hands and a grimace on his face,” said the SF Chronicle.
“I had too much fun,” he said with a groan. “I haven’t had this much fun since I was in college.
Me too, Frank. Now lead the pack of drunkards out of the first round.
09.27.06
Matt Foley is Unhappy About the Michigan State Loss
OK, there’s a lot of funny in this clip. A LOT. But really, I think this is a reminder of the level of perspective us fans should keep in times of woe. A call for HR PufnStuf and Teddy Ruxpin? This might have been broadcast straight from his van, down by the river.
09.25.06
“Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire…”
I paraphrased Peter King up there from today’s MMQB (notice how there aren’t any Mary Beth King postings in MMQB lately?). Anyway, I have to weigh in on this whole “we got outcoached” thing that Shockey said:
In two of their last 4 games, one of their offensive stars has said that they were outcoached (maybe, uhhh, perhaps the guys in the picture to the left). Uhhhmmm….what the F is going on with that? It doesn’t make any sense. It’s also extremely disappointing. The GMen are an undisciplined team and they have been VERY flat at the beginning of each of their last two games. Anyone who played football fully understands that discipline and emotion are not only two of the single most important elements to winning a football game – but they are both brought on by the coach!
There are several questions I’d like to ask Big Tom:
Hey Tom! I know guys were in the wrong position on D – but the same thing happened last week! How could you get caught “out of position” two weeks in a row? Wouldn’t the coaching staff look at the tape and attempt to recitfy the mistakes that they made? It just doesn’t make any sense.
Hey Tom! Why abandon the run so quickly? Tiki and Brandon were doing very well but you just kept throwing the damn ball! And based on two throws: Eli’s INT that plax dropped into the seahawks hands and Plax’s fumble, maybe – just maybe - you could have stayed in the game with a higher committment to the run. The 1st two INTs were brutal: Eli threw one off of his back foot into triple coverage and another into double coverage (the one to Toomer – but even if Eli had made a better throw, Amani would have caught it for a long gain). However, at that point, Eli throws two AWFUL picks…but they’re only down by 14 points!!! Uhmmm, let’s see…you are playing on the road, in a BRUTAL stadium, VERY challenging game conditions, and your QB is off…WAY OFF and has just thrown two brutal INT’s. So what do you do as a coach – do you let your all-pro running back and up-and-coming bruiser carry the load and punish the small d-line and LB’s on the seahawks? Or do you have your frustrated QB keep throwing? If I asked 100 impartial football people what they would do in that situation, I guarantee you 95% of them would say, “run it!” But instead, Tom, you decide to throw it. Then Plax drops a perfect pass that would have been a first down (just an unlucky play and a catch that Plax makes 99 out of 100 times) – that subsequently becomes an INT and then – Bit Tom isn’t done throwing it yet! Plax fumbles the rock away on the very next drive. Why not try running the ball Tom?
Tom: just one bit of unsolicited advice: you probably need to start getting your shit together or you *will* lose the team (and, subsequently, your job).
Bad News for Giants Fans?
The Battleship Lorenzen just killed a man.
Just a preseason game, though.
From the Spreadsheet:
Ah, the joy of college ball- an weekend slate of games that looks pretty underwhelming ends up with you toggling 4 games on 2 TVs and screaming through your 11th Champagne of Beers. Sure, most of that screaming was due to certain teams (not singling you out Notre Dame, USC, or Boston College) not covering the spread, but it was screaming in enjoyment and tension at least. Let’s you and I take a jaunt through The Definitive (still unpublished) Spreadsheet to find out who had the best Week 4:
ACC – Everyone took care of business, except for BC. One of the things killing this conference the past 2 seasons is the lack of separation from the top and bottom- the supposed big 3 powerhouses were always dropping games to the likes of Clemson, Georgia Tech and North Carolina, while those “up-and-coming” squads pummeled each other in turns, keeping them all 6-5. BC had an opportunity here to jump up and put it’s feisty, chubby little fingers around the throat of the Atlantic Division and start squeezing, and instead sucked it’s thumb and lost to a team so bad it’s coach is mocked in Flash format in the local paper. Oh, and Wake beat Ole Miss- take that SEC!!
Big 12 – Missed 3 golden opportunities for basement teams to pull off big wins, most heart-breakingly by Colorado. K-State couldn’t find aim on the slingshot against a sputtering Louisville, and Baylor lost to Army. OK, maybe 2 opportunities, although Kansas did knock off a team in the Mighty Mighty Big East in South Florida. Everyone else kicked the baby teeth in on some non-conference weaklings, but that still leaves the conference 3-8 against other BCS teams, and a stupefying 0-9 against ranked opponents. Sure we’re only a few weeks into the season, but hell, even the ACC is .500 against the BCS (4-4). Based on that criteria, the Big 12 remains in the basement;
Big East – Ho-hum week from the conference that has a winning or break-even record against every other BCS conference (save the Pac-10 who it has yet to play). Though there are chinks in armor in Morgantown and L’ville, they were fortunate to face opponents not deft enough to exploit them. The BEast stays on cruise control until late October;
Big Ten – Also a golden opportunity- Sparty against the Golden Domers- was summed up perfectly by Herbstreit in the 3rd Quarter (paraphrasing here)- “Michigan State is Michigan State for a reason, though. They just find ways to lose games like this one.” Yup, pretty much. Give credit to ND, though- just like you root for those plucky Special Olympics kids with no arms, or no legs, so too root for Notre Dame- they have no defense;
Pac-10 – Like an ornery alligator, the Pac-10 took a week off from shredding some Big 12 mule deer to devour some of its own. Cal comes up with a huge win in Berkeley (former home, sniff), macing what was previously thought to be a good ASU team, and by all rights looking like a team that could challenge USC for the conference, so long as they never ever have to play in Knoxville again;
SEC – The Fighting Orgerons understandably drop a game to the Mighty Demon Deacons and Georgia dodges the bullet that is Dan Hawkins’ Colorado Buffs. Ouch. Though the ACC passes the Grand Old Conference in winning percentage against BCS teams, the SEC’s better record against ranked teams (1-3 beats 0-3) keeps them ahead in the rankings.
And the Power Pick goes to… The Big Bear Ten! Symbolic of both the inertia in this week’s rankings, and the fact that, as conference play heats up, the inter-conference math-ups go into hibernation until Rivalry Week. There’s not a single game between 2 BCS teams this Saturday (unless you count Purdue/Notre Dame), so until the BCS rankings come out, the Big Ten will likely remain out front. Check back next week for the reshuffle an update, and to see if the ACC Big 12 retains it’s BCS status, or is traded straight-up for the MWAC C-USA.
(Me vs. The Bruce: As of this printing, Mr. Feldman’s rankings aren’t up- I’ll update as soon as they are. Bruce is up- not too much to beef with here, aside from the usual- SEC too high, Big East too low. Although he should probably keep his number values consistent. For example: First he says ”Cincy gives host Va. Tech fits (+1),” then later “Va. Tech had to rally in the fourth quarter to beat lowly Cincinnati home (-2)”. Why the discrepancy?)
09.22.06
LOCK IT UP!
Ok, I’m still getting the hang of this dastardly WordPress engine. I guess it is like the Mac I used in college; if you don’t save your work every 5-10 minutes or so, you are going to get the Oklahoma treatment from the refs (errr…computer), you know where previously completed “work” or “a game” is stolen. Anyway, the deal is this: last week, I put together a great list of missives and my locks, all with a great “Color of Money” theme, featuring quotes from the movie and fun vintage shots of the venerable Paul Newman and a pre anal-probed/alien-inhabited Tom Cruise. It was good – and, more importantly, I’ve since forgotten all of my picks, thereby preserving my 50% record. Anyway, I’m going to make this a weekly “feature-ette” where I pick some weekend games (a true smattering of college and pro games) and attempt to toss in some fun every now and again. This week won’t be as much as last week (I managed to find a fun picture of Brenda Warner AND Brynne Cameron), but I’m still going to try to make it happen.
So on to the locks of the week:
The theme ‘o the week is Wedding Crashers. I feel the same way about Wedding Crashers as I do about Entourage: GREAT concept, good acting, well-written – but ultimately caters FAR too much to striving to pull in as wide an audience as humanly possible. For example, WC would have been worlds better with more Will Ferrell and less Owen Wilson whining/pining about his girl. And Entourage, well that jumped the shark as soon as HBO figured out that if they toned EVERYTHING back, more women and midwesterners would like the show! BINGO! Ratings bonanza!! Anyway, no more ranting. Both WC AND Entourage are good for what the are; that is, mindless entertainment – however, Entourage gets MAJOR major props for its music. Someone on the show knows their stuff, and you can find it all here.
Speaking of mindless entertainment, on to the picks:
BODOG YOU CRACKSMOKERS:
“Not so much as I do with your wardrobe, or your general point-of-view towards the people here. But fuck it, let’s shoot some birds, I’m psyched!”
“>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rCF1X9bEak]
Ok, so the frisky 9ers are home to the Philadelphia Eagles this weekend. The Giants last weekend proved that the Eagles have trouble against the pass. The 9ers (whoa, am I actually writing this?) seem to excel at throwing the ball. Alex Smith even looks like a decent QB (?). Yet the 9ers are the underdogs…by 6.5 points! Take the underdog! Fuck it! Let’s shoot some birds!
“You’d better be careful! I almost num-chucked you.” <– this, of course, is followed by the Meatloaf scene. Best part of the movie (movie too large to post here)
Ok, let me get this straight: NC St. loses in the last second on a gutsy call to Akron (they would have won if the game went to OT, which is why Akron went for the win) AND they got whupppppped at So. Miss (a notoriously tough place to play). And uhhh…and now they’re pissed. Chuck Amato’s taking pot shots and they have a redemption opportunity against a BC team that has needed double OT *IN* Chestnut Hill in their last two games to pull out wins against Clemson (quality win) and BYU. The Eagles needed double OT against the Stormin’ Mormons. At home. This is a weak team and – don’t forget – a TIRED team that now has to travel on the road to play a night game against a tough division opponent playing for pride. I’m not saying NCSU wins…but they’ll make it interesting. Fuck it, let’s shoot some birds PART II.
“You go have fun. I’m gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood”
Now I like the Dolphins-Titans “tilt” at Pro Player stadium (what is that thing called these days?) in Miami. This one is PURE arbitrage: I’m like a mosquito to the light when there is a double-digit spread (BODOG SAYS 11!!) in a game. Something HAS to be going on here, right? You mean to tell me a team with a QB as shaky as Culpepper is favored by 11? To another NFL team, right? I mean they’re not playing, like the Syracuse Orange, right? They’re playing an NFL team and the Fins are favored by 11? The only other 11 pt. spread was Wk. 2, Ravens-Raiders (in Baltimore). That spread makes sense. This one does not. Take the Titans and weak-ass Kerry Collins against the weaker-assed Fins.
Your Weekend Primer…
…from a man who questions the motives of a football God who gives us Nirvana one weekend, and Nil the next. Sure we get the kickoff of Big Ten conference action, and the Big 12 decides to dip it’s skittish toe into the conference waters as well (Texas v. Iowa State!), but the rest of the slate is a veritable wasteland of watershed games. And though April may be the cruelest month, Week 4 in September carries an especially poignant sting - summer’s end, and an unasked for chance for fans to catch their collective, and in some parts now-visible, breath. So here is what you will have learned by the time you lay head to pillow (or to leaf-pile, flaming couch, truck-bed, or Sebastian Janikowski-trodden dance floor, whatever is your wont) on Saturday night.
(Click More for the full run-down)
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09.21.06
LiveBlog: MLB – A’s vs. Indians
It’s here – An Itch first. Our first attempt at a live blog. Now, normally, a day baseball game wouldn’t be cause for an “EXCLUSIVE WORLD PREMIERE LIVE BLOGGING EVENT/EXPERIMENT!”
But this isn’t just any game. No siree, bob. This, my friends and faithful reader (read: singular, not plural), this is the return of Rich Harden. Harden is destined to become either a Cooperstown Hall of Famer, or a Disabled List Hall of Famer. His time spent on the IR is almost Mark Prior-esque…fortunately it seems to be something different all the time, and not some recurring injury that clearly spells doom.
The A’s Magic Number to clinch the AL West going into the game is 5, thanks to a 4-3 victory last night, and another win for Esteban Loaiza, who continues to impress in the late innings.
Live blogging to start with radio pre-game.
11:17 am – Why does the hot girl in the office keep on walking by my desk? Oh, I know why. Still no pre-game, but thought you might be interested in that.
11:30 – Ken Macha show on! With Ken Korach! I love listening to Macha talk, it sounds like a voice Rich Little would do. I don’t even know what he’s saying, I’m just giggling. And he looks like Leslie Nielsen/Phil Donahue. Macha praising Frank Thomas, who will of course get hosed in both the Comeback Player of the Year Award and MVP.
11:35 – Ken Macha show over. I had no idea you could babble for five minutes and still be able to call it a “show.” Don’t strain yourself too hard, Ken.
11:37 – Now it’s back on again! What’s going on?
11:41 – Now it’s off again!
11:42 – Now it’s back on! How many times are they going to rerun it… over/under set at 8.5. Takers?
11:55 – Here we go, the five-minute countdown accompanies by some DOPE beats. I don’t know who gets to say “Oakland A’s starts exactly four minutes from this tone,” but I want his job. I bet the motherfucker is as high as a kite, just bobbing his head to the tunes.
12:02 – We’re live. First pitch in 30+ minutes. “The East Bay spells Frank Thomas M-V-P.” True dat! Ken Korach and Ray Fosse on the mics today as this isn’t on television. Motherfuckers at work going to make this blogging experiment difficult. C’mon people, it’s September baseball for Christ’s sake.
12:10 – Korach says the Angels (who play the A’s in a three-game series starting tomorrow) are already in the Bay Area from a trip to Kansas City. Looks like it’s time to call all the local hotels and ask for “Chone.” Then burn the fucker down.
12:22 – Great interview with the Rivercats manager, with a focus on pitch counts and “bringing players along.” Without doubt, the Sacto ‘Cats are the classiest gang in AAA. MVP of the Pacific League was some dude! Plus Charles Thomas “could be a fourth A’s outfielder…in the future.” How did that project go?
12:31 – Yankees suck.
12:36 – Harden vs. Grady Sizemore. “Nice, easy 94 mph fastball.” That a boy Rich. Ken Korach especially in love with the weather. Won’t shut up about it.
12:38 – Sizemore sent to bench after two NASTY changeups. So far so good. Again, playoffs chances for A’s could rest entirely in Harden’s right arm. Pitch count being limited to 60 today.
1:04 – Wow. It’s a strikeout fest, according to a Yahoo! box score. Harden has 14 strikeouts through three innings, and Sabathia has four. ESPN says there are plenty of K’s too. Not quite. Who the hell is doing the stat-tracking over there? Cheech & Chong?
1:16 – Announcer: “Grady Sizemore has a lot of talent.” Moments later, Sizemore crushes one into the seats. Cleveland 1, A’s 0. Thanks a lot.
1:27 – Rich Harden replaced by Chad Gaudin. 55 pitches, and a good looking outing for the Canuck. 3 innings pitched, 1 earned run, 7 strikeouts. Out of 9 outs, seven were K’s. Impressive.
1:44 – Bases loaded Sac Fly by Mark Ellis ties the game. The rally was started by…Frank Thomas, of course. Almost a salami for Ellis, who is quickly establishing himself as one of the most important members of the team. Scutaro just missed a 3-run homerun. Who is to say what’s fair and foul these days anyway!?!?
1:57 – The league MVP candidate from the A’s may be Frank Thomas, but there’s little doubt as to who the A’s MVP is (yeah that sounds weird, but trust me). Jason Kendall plays almost every day as a catcher, makes the plays that you don’t see in the box score, bats lead off, and just hit a 2-out 2-run single…after a nine pitch battle that Kendall started 0-2. That’s my MVP.
2:26 – A radio ad for Taquito Tuesdays in the West Side Club airs. Awesome! Memo to the marketing department: There are no more Tuesday home games. Oops! Oh, and A’s up 4-3.
3:09 – I’m declaring this game over. Even with a slight top of the 7th scare by Cleveland. A’s up 7-3 and look every bit the playoff team they are. It’s pretty clear that these guys will not settle for anything less than a World Series title. Will it be tough? Yeah, but they’re still playing well and working up some incredible momentum into the playoffs.
3:45 – Scared? Me? Nahhhhh… Huston was just practicing the old bases loaded 9th inning jam. A’s win 7-4. Magic number is 4. Let’s wrap this thing up by the end of the weekend, ok? <end blog>
The Gas Face!
Contributors and readers of this blog may know about 3rd Bass. 
The first rap tape I purchased was by the Beastie Boys: Licensed to Ill. I got it mostly because my Mom thought they were crass and I thought they were cool. The fact that I was a white kid growing up in the suburbs in New York might have had something to do with it too. The second tape I got was Public Enemy: Fear of Black Planet. My mother wouldn’t let me buy this so I waited until I was at my father’s house - and even then my stepmom was furious with me when I did eventually buy it. Thus begins my life-long obsession with hip-hop.
The third hip-hop tape I purchased was 3rd Bass: The Cactus Album(it’s now called the Cactus Cee/D, but I bought this in the time of tapes, mind you). This was one of my favorite hip-hop albums at the time. It was filled with hits: Brooklyn Queens, Steppin’ to the AM, and everyone’s favorite from the time, The Gas Face. This was a song about rappers the guys in 3rd Bass considered weak and phony (consider the line in the end of the song: “what do we think about Hammer?/Shut the fuck up Hammer!”).
How does this relate to sports and/or this blog?
Well the NY Times ran an EXCELLENT article today – almost a sort of “where are they now” feature on the Prime Minister Pete Nice. This is a great article revealing that Pete (again, one half of 3rd Bass) was a varsity basketball player on an Ivy League team (at Columbia University) and that he is obsessed with baseball (he called his group “3rd Bass” – duh). So apparently Pete lives in Cooperstown with his wife and has written several books on baseball. It’s a wonderful quick little read and well worth your five minutes.
