…in which the long death march makes it’s way to the Tallahassee gates, to lay to loam the soul of the King so formerly great. Also known as Lord of the FSU: Week 2. The Black Mass convenes on a hallowed yet unholy ground ‘neath a Mourning Star with a judgment so piercingly bright that none of the wailing masses may evade it’s castigating rays. For many of the inked crowd, clutching at their memories as they would a golden heirloom, the days of a known and cherished order are darkening – the ebon horses of Chaos now visible, nearing from the olive horizon. “The world, that understandable and lawful world, was slipping away.”
(picks are after the jump)
 

Let’s kick this baby off with some Honesty from Last Week’s Primer. Round Two with Hubris left me battered but standing. After nailing Virginia Tech’s offensive woes for Thursday night, I split my Saturday picks. I came correct in picking ugliness for OSU/MSU (missing the eventual margin by 1 point), tightness for USC/ASU, and a beat-the-spread loss for Syracuse. Although Auburn/Florida was a great game, and I picked the score correctly, I had my victor reversed for that one, my ass backwards for the Missouri/A&M matchup, and was one slim point away from a push on PSU/Michigan (and about 50 points away from the score). All of which, over the last two weeks of going toe-to-toe with Hubris, leaves me a healthy 7-4. Per Slick Rick, heeere we go:

(2) Michigan vs. Iowa – The great Sarlacc that is the Wolverine defense continues to slowly dissolve prey into nutrients in a long and painful process from which few ever escape. It’s next victim is Big Ten contender once-beaten-but-resilient Indiana doormat, Iowa. Drew Tate aside (which is exactly where LaMarr Woodley and Allan Branch will toss him), this game may get submerged by the ugly flood. The Pool has installed Michigan as 13.5 point favorites, and we scoff at that paltry sum. 33-10, bitches. 

(5) Texas at (17) Nebraska – Sure the Huskers’ only loss is to beat-down specialists USC. But check out wins against the likes of La. Tech, Nicholls State, Tory, Kansas (& State) and Iowa State. That’s one winning record among a crowd that’s a collective 15-20. And that’s a rap sheet sure to give anyone with money on the Cornhuskers a sure-fire case of the yips. Sure, Texas may seem overrated, what with only 1 quality W over (possibly similarly overrated) OU, but Nebraska is inflated like ‘97 Chris Farley- just waiting for the usually non-fatal 8-ball by the name of Texas to come and finish it off.  The Pool’s got UT by 6.5, and I suppose Nebraska’s home 3 points brought that down from 10. But my speakers go up to 11- Texas 21, Nebraska 10.

(12) Clemson vs. (13) Georgia Tech: ACC fans and officials have to hope for a classic here, lest one of these teams takes a tumble. Sure it’s hard to tarnish an already sullied image, but on the other hand, a late night, nationally-televised, heavyweight duel between Clemson’s prolific O and GT’s stingy D (and between Calvin “Give Herbstreit Some Lotion and a Kleenex” Johnson and the entire Clemson D) could provide a 1-game showcase in the midst of an otherwise dismal year for the conference.  ACC says “Yeah, Clemson and Georgia Tech are our heavyweights, so what? You wanna make somethin’ of it?!” And Clemson scores late to cover the 7.5 pt spread, 31-23.

(19) Rutgers vs. Pittsburgh: This was rough- I originally had Rutgers here by 7, but then I printed out the picks, saw it in the real world and thought, “What the fuck am I thinking?!” I could see the future clearly- here we are at dusk in 1979’s City of Champions. And here I am at home, thinking Rutgers can grind it out against a Wannstache team, but all of a sudden young Tyler Palko is on fire, and the Scarlet Knights are already down 14-0 in the first quarter. The run game is headed to the locker room early, and a team’s whose only flirtation with 150 yds passing came against Navy is forced to start chucking it around to win. I could feel the sweat on my brow and load in my drawers already. So I decided to save myself from that “Aw, FUCK!” feeling while I still had time. Pitt by 6.5? Let’s double it- 28-14.

(22) Boston College at Florida State: We saved this one for last because it can go one of two ways. (A): the end of the road for a once proud program. Everyone will be sporting black for the funeral anyway, and the Noles have already lost the Beat-the-Team-That-Beat-You Corollary with Clemson. BC is a well-coached team, and FSU lacks coaching entirely, choosing instead to field a team of maniacal Football SilverHawks with little no supervision of any kind. Unfortunately Steelwill and the rest of the front seven have been piranha’d by injuries, leaving only the skeletal remains of Col. Bluegrass (and some freshman DBs) on the defensive side of the ball. Boston College merely tosses the last fistful of dirt on Osceola’s coffin. Then again, it could be (B): the end of the slide. There were flashes of play-calling brilliance against both Clemson and NC State, and to save the mutilated remains of the program from further defilement, the reins have been handed over to whoever had the headphones on during FSU’s 99.9999-yard scoring drive against the Wolfpack. (Which was the best called drive I’ve seen in the last 3 years) It’s nearly impossible to tell at this point if it was Bobby or Jeffy, or even who’s screwing with who at this point, and to be honest, I couldn’t care less. But there was a gaping difference between that offensive second-half, and everything else FSU fans had been subjected to over the course of the season, and my sincere hope is that some adult nearby recognizes this, and ensures that it carries over to the BC game. The FSU D, which gift-wrapped a victory in Chestnut Hill last year, won’t be able to do the heavy lifting this time around, but if the offense clicks on 5 out of 8 of its drives, it could be enough to outscore the Eagles. By all rights this is the most ridiculous line of the week. BC is better than it’s ranking and FSU could be much worse than everyone thinks. FSU has wins over Rice, Troy, Duke and the University of Miami Boy Scouts Den 37, while Boston College has beaten Clemson, BYU and Virginia Tech. The Pool first positioned the Noles as a 9 point favorite and the Wisdom of the Masses knocked that hilarity down to 6.5. Is FSU really 3.5 points better on a neutral field? Methinks not, but I can’t bear to pick against them, seeing as how the gut-twisting anguish of watching this team play while believing they can win is painful enough. “This head is for the beast. It’s a gift.” 27-17, FSU.