Yes, there is muted excitement in Seminole land these days. A defense returning all but 2 starters played their guts out on Saturday, single-handedly dragging the rotten corpse offense back into the game against a hated rival, only to watch that corpse defecate post-mortem all over itself. And now that same corpse is being dragged up the castle steps into the dungeonous laboratory to be reanimated. But who will play Dr. Frankenstein in 2007? We’ll take a look at the pros and cons of the four most talked about names thus far, as well as their respective Lap Dog Quotients. What, you didn’t actually think Bobby will hand over the reins at this point, did you? 

Name: Jimbo Fisher

Current Position: OC and QB coach at LSU
Pros: His name is Jimbo. I repeat, Jimbo. Which means he may or may not actually be a shrimping boat captain. And speaking of shrimping, he seems to love the Bowdens like Forrest loved Jenny. He played QB for Terry, even transferring from Salem to Samford his senior season to follow the known philanderer. He then coached under Terry at Samford and along with Tommy at Auburn. And now he’s presided over the most successful span in LSU history, making him my personal favorite for the gig. Like I said, Jimbo!
Cons: He may or may not be a shrimping boat captain.
Lap Dog Quotient: 5 Bones. It may be that the only thing keeping Jimbo from already working underneath a Bowden is Terry’s absence from the sideline. To drag the Gump metaphor into the disgusting, the Bowden clan is on their last, AIDS-riddled legs – do you trust Forrest to raise the kid on his own? 

Name: George Henshaw
Current Position: Senior Offensive Assistant and RB coach at New Orleans
Pros: NFL ties galore. George has spent the last 18 years on the offensive side of the ball in the NFL, from Broncos to the Giants to the Titans to the Saints. Which means not only could he probably assemble quite a staff to join him, but high school kids love love love to hear how coaches are linked to the pros. Crazy kids.
Cons: He looks like a nice, kind-hearted soul. I prefer OCs to look like arrogant neurosurgeons who would enjoy toying with your very life in order to give themselves a challenge. “Doctor, what are you doing with that nail gun? Jesus Christ!!” “Uh-oh, nurse, this just got a whole lot more complicated. Wheee!!!”
Lap Dog Quotient: 4 Bones. Henshaw’s straight off Bobby’s coaching tree, from West Virginia to FSU from 1970 to 1982. The Noles compiled a 21-1 record during his 3 years as OC, which has most fans drooling. Yet he sent his own QB-turned-TE son to FSU during 2001-05, which at the time was known as “Where QBs and TEs Go To Tackle,” so his judgment at this point may be questionable. 

Name: Chris Hatcher
Current Position: Head Coach at Division II Valdosta State
Pros: An “Air Raid” attack that racks up yards, points and wins on the Div. II level like nobody’s business. (The early con here is that its yards, points and wins on the Div. II level) He’s coached up quite a few QBs at the collegiate level: Daunte Culpepper, Tim Couch and Dusty Bonner, which pretty much makes him Jeff Tedford without the nice address and a win against USC. He’s also been kind enough to take QB’s off Bowden’s hands and turn them into competent throwers and DII champions (see: Fabian Walker).
Cons: His resume on the Blazers sports page reads like praise from the Football Gods themselves, and includes the single-best paragraph-starting phrase ever: “Great stuff.” That resume, as well as a “no comment” statement on the FSU opening is a straight link from the front of the football home page, which means he keeps his job-hunting low-key.
Lap Dog Quotient: 8 Bones. He’s young and impressionable. When he and Bobby get done telling tales about what its like coaching at a former all girls college, Hatcher will immediately commence his only ascribed duties: drawing up plays for Drew Weatherford out of the “I” formation.  

Name: Larry Fedora
Current Position: OC and QB coach at Oklahoma State
Pros: His offense can score points (8^th in Scoring O) and run the ball (8^th in Rushing O). For a team sorely lacking in both departments, that’s good.
Cons: Was the Gator run game/perimeter game/offensive coordinator from 2002-04, giving him a losing record against Jeff Bowden-coached offenses. Not good.
Lap Dog Quotient: 3 Bones. This is a random guess. I can’t figure any direct connection to the Bowden clan, and all reports are that he’s a top recruiter and fast tracked to greatness. But he’s named after a hat, so…